Moving Beyond My Feelings
January 7, 2016 § Leave a comment
2015 came and went. There were some moments that went by too fast and other moments that would have been okay to pick up the speed. We moved to a new apartment. We started learning more about our journey with infertility. I dealt with depression that I had not experienced since my mother died. My feelings toward 2015 are as follows: Bye, Felicia!
Now, not every moment was terrible. We started developing some friendships that I honestly believe will last for the rest of our lives. But dude, my emotions really took a toll on me. I got to the point where I stopped putting myself out there for people to know me. I didn’t want pity if I shared my feelings. I also didn’t want people saying I was a cry baby. I already had to deal with that in my life and I wasn’t ready to relive that. Instead, I stayed home, closed off to people. I was so in my head that I became screed to let anyone in. I couldn’t even let my husband in. Finally in November, I started letting people back in. It wasn’t as painful as I had thought. I actually found by opening up to the right people I could feel again. These people spoke truth and love in the most graceful, yet butt-kicking ways. I’m so grateful for the community that surrounds me.
How will I continue to move beyond my feelings in 2016? Great question. My plan is find my purpose and keep my heart open to those who have already made attempts to be apart of my life. I have some measurable goals of finding a job, making time in my week for friends, alone time and time with the husband. Finding things and people that feed my soul has helped so much. Even self-reflection/self-awareness has helped to move beyond the feelings. It’s definitely a process. I may have some missteps but its better than wallowing in self-pity and self-doubt.
I’d love to hear how you are making 2016 different from 2015. I know for me 2016 cannot be more of the same.
Love to you all!