February 12, 2016 § 1 Comment
I’ve said here before and I will say it again: I have PCOS. I found out almost two years ago. The process has been slow-going partially because of the shock and not wanting to admit something was wrong and partially because fertility treatments and appointments are expensive.
In the last five months I’ve realized I can’t keep living my life feeling held down because of PCOS. Honestly, since we found out I have spent days crying my eyes out, days angry, days where I haven’t wanted to speak with anyone. I didn’t even want to talk to my husband. That’s really not a way to live.
What have I been learning?
- I can’t do this alone. I’m blessed with women in my community who know and understand my pain. I’m grateful for a husband who loves me unconditionally even on my worst day. I have faith that God sees ever tear I cry and hears every prayer I pray.
- I have to keep pressing forward. Yes, miracles happen but I need to do my part, too, for changes to happen.
- I have to be vulnerable. For me holding feelings in makes the problem worse. So if friends or family ask how fertility stuff is going, I answer honestly. Through my vulnerability I’ve gotten overwhelming support. That just proves my first point of not being able to do this alone.
- I’m aloud to have emotions about my infertility. On days where I can feel the anger or sadness coming I allow those emotions to come. I process them by asking myself questions like “what caused this emotion to come?” “Is this a surface reason or is something deeper tugging on me?” I try not to allow emotions take over for more than 24 hours. For me, it takes me to a depression I hope to never experience again.
- Self-care is the best. My self-care includes the occasional new book to read or new Minnie Mouse coloring book to color. Currently, I’m learning how to crochet. It’s fun to work with my hands and also have my mind focused on something other than trying to make a baby. Thank the Lord for self-care.
These are just a few of the things I have been learning through my infertility. I have some great days with no tears or anger but I also have some days where those are the only things I can feel. Thankfully, my hard days are fewer and farther in between. I can feel myself turning a corner. I feel like I’m in a good place. A place where I am learning more about myself.
I hope this is helpful to my fellow women struggling with infertility rather it’s PCOS or Endometriosis or other fertility issues. Know that you are not alone and there is support and prayers for you.
Love to you all!