Five Years and My Arms are Still Empty

September 28, 2016 § 2 Comments

Time has passed so quickly and yet still so slowly these last five years. The things I wish I could say to 22 year old Emilie include but not limited to:

  • Keep working on yourself
  • Exercise more patience
  • Let the tears come
  • Find a community the loves you and sits with you in the pain

I’m thankful now that I either have those things above and I’m working on being a better me.

A lot can happen in five years. I remember the cute 22 year old going into the gynecologist to get checked out to make sure everything was good for my husband and I to start trying to conceive. Within six months of getting the “okay” to make a baby we decided to move to Los Angeles. Being in the early part of our twenties we thought everything would be fine and we could get pregnant whenever. Once we felt settled and decided to start trying again, that’s when it all started to seemingly fall apart. People all around us were getting pregnant. We went to check again with the doctor to make sure everything was okay.

We found out I have PCOS just before my 25th birthday. I felt defeated. I felt lost. I didn’t know what to do. It was also at this time we were in yet another transition. I found a community that loved me and supported me in the mess I was in.

Now, here we are five years after our initial doctor’s appoint for the okay to procreate. I don’t have a baby of my own to hold everyday. But, I haven’t lost hope because God still does BIG things. I’ve had the honor to help my friends who are moms and I became an aunt to the most adorable little boy. I’m overwhelmed that I can pour out love to so many sweet families. I trust that God has a plan for me. I trust that His time is so much better than mine.

Five years later and still my arms are empty. But I feel content just where I am: becoming the woman God created me to be.

Love to you all,



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