April 26, 2017 § Leave a comment
This week my feed has been filled with women sharing their stories about infertility and how they have been dealing with it. They have also been using this week as a platform to reduce the stigma around infertility. I’m proud to be amongst this group of women. I am 1 in 8 women that has to deal with some form of infertility. Finding this out just over three years ago absolutely devastated me. I felt my dreams of motherhood shatter like a broken glass falling into a million pieces.
In these last three years, I fell into a depression that rested deep. It gave me fear and anxiety that caused me to feel paralyzed to make any decision. I allowed infertility to control my life. I thought that if we just set up the right situation through monitoring and doctors help we could make a baby. At the end of 2016, when I found out I was getting hired at Starbucks, I started letting go of the control of trying to make a baby. I’ve been focusing more on self care. That has included making time for reading, going out with friends and finding myself again. My heart has been so full of joy. That’s not to say that some days aren’t hard but they have become fewer and farther apart. I’ve even been able to go to baby showers and hold babies without going home and crying for an hour afterward.
Honestly, that would not have been possible even 18 months ago. I sit here now, having so much hope for my future. I’ll be 28 in 10 days and I know that the end of this journey is still a ways off. But when I do get the opportunity to be a mom (however that happens) I will get to share a story of pain turned to hope and joy with my child(ren). I hope that through my story my child(ren) will know that they can do the hard things in life and live to tell the tale.
Thank you to my loving community of friends and family that have been with me on this journey. Your prayers have meant the world to me. God has shown me so much grace in and continues to teach me to be graceful with myself and others.